Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
