Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
either way he was missing a nipple.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
