I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
