The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
