I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
