worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
