Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
