My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
