i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Enjoy the penises
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
