Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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