Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
