Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
