Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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