I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
