How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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