Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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