see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
