She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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