How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
