I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
