I love black thongs
bring money and cleavage
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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