Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She needs sedatives and a leash
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
