i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
