I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
