dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
