Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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