Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
