Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
