Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
