I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
