I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
