Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
