look no pants
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
