just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
