Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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