i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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