and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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