Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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