So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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