Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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