highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
