ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
