quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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