Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
