Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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