pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
