you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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