Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
