Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
