His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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