Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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