I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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