they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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