yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
