everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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