Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
