where am i from again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
