oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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