Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize