Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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