i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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