And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
