Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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