New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
