I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
