and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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