i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
