How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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