i need an iv and a liver transplant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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